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Expectations (Desires/ Wants)

Coaching| inspiration
February 27, 20224 min read

We all have expectations (desires/wants) from our self and others. No point in denying or saying that you have no expectations (desires/wants) because that is total bull and you can smell it as well.  Wohhhh, it really reeks, stop it. All of us, yes all of us have expectations from our self and others.

Stop lying to yourself by saying”I have no expectations (desires/wants) from anyone” because then you are simply deceiving yourself, you are repressing your desires, your wants.  Wake up and smell the coffee, just admit to yourself you have some kind of expectation (desires/wants) from yourself and others.

In simple terms expectations (desires/wants) is the act or state of looking forward or anticipating. All of us in one way or the other are anticipating something from someone out there. You know you are and so just face up to it and for once be truthful to yourself.

We as humans have a natural tendency of having expectations (desires/wants). So, sue me!!! for having expectations (desires/wants). This is the way Mother Nature made us.  Everything is absolutely right in having expectations (desires/wants); it’s simply the way we were designed. Think about it this way when you have no expectations (desires/wants) you are in state of hypothermia.

As explained in the wonderful Wikipedia

"Hypothermia is a condition in which core temperature drops below that required for normal metabolism and body functions which is defined as 35.0 °C (95.0 °F). Body temperature is usually maintained near a constant level of 36.5–37.5 °C (98–100 °F) through biological homeostasis or thermoregulation. If exposed to cold and the internal mechanisms are unable to replenish the heat that is being lost, a drop in core temperature occurs. As body temperature decreases, characteristic symptoms occur such as shivering and mental confusion."

The end result of hypothermia is death.  So, when you have no expectation (desires/wants) you simply die slowly but surely. With expectations (desires/wants) there is the obvious thing of pain. However as the old saying goes "no pain no gain".  Think about when you wanted something you go through the motion of giving it your best shot.  And if you really, really want it you will go to the end until it is attained.  You have a sense of achievement when you get there.  Especially, when you get there you overlook the entire struggle, all the pain and trouble you have gone through.  You simply enjoy that moment. Just ponder and go back into memory lane. You will surely find at least one example of complete sweet satisfaction when your expectation was met.

On the other side you may say I had expectations of having a beautiful loving relationship, earn plenty of money, have a family, have lots of friends and drive a fancy car and much more but those expectations, desires, wants were not met. And at this point you may start pointing the finger at others. This moment can be extremely frustrating and irritating and you might just say why the "f***" does this happen to me.  Why do I have to suffer in such a way? 

Whatever it might be that did not meet your expectation causes some kind of bitter feelings. Some individuals manage to snap out of this bitter phase very quickly and move on with their lives. For some it takes a bit longer and for some the bitterness of the expectation not being met just simply makes them bitter for the rest of their lives. 

In the last scenario by remaining in the bitterness you start hurting your close ones but at the end of the day the person who you are hurting the most is yourself. And when you keep on hurting yourself you are no longer good to another and you are no good to yourself.  You simply become worthless at this junction.

So, having expectations (desires/wants) is a great thing in order to move forward in life however be warned if you let your expectations (desires/wants) take control over you then you are bound to be doomed.  It is best to control your expectations (desires/wants) rather than them controlling you.  Manage your expectations (desires/wants) as best as you can and this only comes through living and experiencing your life.

If you fall in the process, then that is fine, however get up and start moving again. I am sure when you were a kid you fell down. When that happened you sobbed and cried lying there on the ground.  After awhile, finally you got up and started moving again wiping the tears of your cute cheeks. 

In the same way we need do this as grown-ups. Simply get up and move on. We should remember what we learned from that incident so we can hopefully minimise disappointments of the expectation not being met if we are faced with the same situation.

expectationsStop lying to yourselfdesireswants

Rohit Bassi

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